I FUCKING HATE WAL*MART!!


Now that we got that out of the way, I'll tell you why. I so wish there was some noble GeoSocioPolitical reason.

There's not.

It has nothing to do with how they treat their employees. Yeah, I'm certain it blows rotting goat dick to work there. There's a lot worse jobs for worse pay out there, I assure you. I've worked a couple of them. WalMart would've been a few steps up from what I've done for a paycheck. WalMart employs some people that just could not work anywhere else. This is benevolent. They have systematically made it so easy to mindlessly work for them, nearly every warm body can do it. I applaud that effort.

WalMart is accessible and convenient in todays 24/7 society. It's comforting to know that if I run out of rifle shells AND shit-paper at 3am, WalMart has my back. There are other 24 hour locations, but none with such a varying degree of goods. This has its drawbacks, however. If you choose to shop at 3am when the store is 20% less suck than normal, they will punish you by closing large portions of the store to clean the floors. You will feel like a rat in a maze. Sorry. Shop during peak hours or feel the wrath of the Floor Lords.

WalMarts give money hand over fist to educational institutions. It's true. But it's kinda like they're buying good press. Oh well, it's a mean to an end.

WalMart, for being such an ENORMOUS company, is fairly environmentally conscious. They have box recycling within the logistics of their shipping and supplying. They carry many "green" and organic products. They almost always offer recycling facilities onsite for customer use. Frankly, WalMart may be the only source of environmentally friendly education that some of their customers will ever get. Chalk this one up as a win.

I hate them because when I'm there I loathe myself and all of humanity. I want the entire planet to burn to ash the moment I walk through the doors. This temple of convenience and indulgence brings out every terrible, disgusting demon that us as homo sapiens have to offer. From the assholes in the parking lot to the degrading experience that is checking out, the store is a pox on the world.

I stopped shopping there when I realized that, while within WalMart's confines, I treat my family different. I am shorter. Quicker to anger. I realized that I was compromising on goods that I normally buy because WalMart no longer carries them. I was settling for inferior, chemical grade foods because that's what WalMart says we should be eating. I was buying clothing that I normally wouldn't wear and I looked like EVERYONE ELSE because we all fucking shop at WalMart. WalMart, at one time, was great. It was a manifestation of freedom. I could buy that paintball gun at midnight with the intent to get drunk and shoot up some poor asshole's garbage cans. Somewhere along the way, they did some dark sorcery and turned that freedom into chains. People believe that they must shop there. That it's normal to feel that way. To compromise your integrity of goods and the quality of food. I get dirty looks when I say things like, "I wouldn't know. I haven't been to WalMart in months".

Look. I'm not calling anyone out as a bad person because they shop there. Just ask yourself when the last time you were truly happy standing in the infinitely long checkout to buy a bunch of shit you really don't need or want. I'm probably preaching to the choir here. I know that. So I ask the handful of readers that I have a favor. If you enjoyed this post and agree with me, pass it along. Send it to someone you know who is a WalMart regular. I can take the hate mail. I promise.

I don't want to shut down one of the single most powerful economic forces in our country. I just want them, and their customers, to give a fuck about each other.

I'm always a busy fella. I stay that way. I always say that I'm going to slow down and enjoy what I have, but it's just not my nature. I can't do it. July through the end of August is always hell on earth for me. The day job is as busy as it can possibly be.  The convention season starts winding up. The out of town family starts  making noise for us to come visit. Everything always seems to hit all at once.
This is when laziness sets in. Wendy's or Burger King beckons for the quick, easy, cheap meal. This year my wife and I are taking our first grown-up adult vacation together since we had our daughter. Due to some unforeseen events, our budgeting for this adventure got off track. This actually works in our favor. By examining every single dollar we spend, we are forced to cook at home. Good food, even unintentionally, is still good food.

Yesterday I pulled a total of 5 tomatoes, 7 Anaheim chilies, 4 green bell peppers out of my garden. It was the first time that I needed a bag to haul in the bounty. I was proud. This was food that I grew without chemicals at my home for my family. This was my penultimate stab at a great big "Fuck you!" to industrialized food. And it worked. One of my crazy, hair-brained schemes actually paid off. It's a lot of hard work raising a garden organically. A friend asked, "How do you keep the weeds out?". Well, you weed or hoe almost every single day. We don't use any kind of weed inhibitor or chemical based plant foods. It's just elbow grease and animal shit. Vegetarian chicken and bovine to be exact. Thus far, I figure we're still in the hole monetarily but things are looking promising and it felt good to bring food into the house.

As for what's happening in the rest of the garden, not a lot. I did take king zucchini out. He tasted okay. I grabbed him a little late. The seeds were big and tough. We now have another white zuke growing in his stead. I don't get why they're white. It's a genetic mutation and it's rare. I understand that. But can I please just have one green one?

I have taken two squash. They were yummy on the grill. I took 8 pickling cucumbers and jarred them. I got one good meals worth of broccoli and not much since. I have to be doing something wrong there. The handful of red onions seem to be doing awesome.

The modicum of success we have enjoyed has inspired us to expand next year to nearly double the length. It will be a tremendous amount of work, but we want to do corn, carrots, asparagus, and some leafy greens. Also, we intend to grow sunchokes next in 2011. We will definitely plant garlic in the fall. There are lots of other possibilities rattling around my skull.

E-I-E-I-Oh!